You move swiftly on to plan B, which is, by the way, a plan you came up with just now.
It’s not like you have much of a choice. Without John, Dave and Jade to fall back on, you’re pretty much at a loss. Your last and only hope is embodied by the golden light of salvation spilling from the husktop screen.
Sure, people on the internet can be all kinds of inappropriate, stupid and just plain dicks sometimes. Sometimes they ask if you and Rose take baths in fudge together. But other times, people on the internet have shown you kindness, warmth and understanding like no other.
It might as well be worth a shot.
((dear askblog reader, send kanaya suggestions to save her from her dire situation! the chosen winners will receive absolutely nothing of value, but you will have my appreciation?!))
This was entirely useless!!!!!
You take a deep breath. By all rights, this should do absolutely nothing, seeing as your lungs don’t work, either, but placebo effect is a magical thing.
You’ve got this. You’re cool. Cool as a cucumber. Or perhaps, for a more accurate simile, cool as a body in which the blood has stopped circulating some three years back. Now that you’ve got your shit together, time to go and actually work towards a solution for this conundrum. But where to start?
Yes, you will do that. In fact, you’ll do one better, and go and ask all of Rose’s friends while you’re at it. They’ve all been celebrating her birthday for much longer than you — surely they’ve got some wisdom to impart!
Your name is KANAYA MARYAM and you are FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. In a completely uncharacteristic and uncustomary manner, may we add.
The reason that you are currently freaking out in such an uncharacteristic and uncustomary manner is that today is the fourth of November, exactly one month before Rose’s birthday.
And you still don’t know what to get her.
Now, some might say that this is silly, that a month is ample time to think up and put together a birthday present. These people have either never met Rose in their lives, or were simply never saddled with the unspeakable burden of having to purchase or otherwise produce something for her.
Rose is PICKY AS HELL. This is made twice as bad by the fact that you, also, are PICKY AS HELL. In fact, one could say that the bulk of your fretting over the matter is due to your own overblown doubts about not being able to meet neither her nor your own expectations, but in that case one would clearly have no idea what they’re talking about.
Last year, you made her a dress. That was before you were together. It was a breathtaking work of art, each stitch in the fabric imbued with your MANY TEARS, SWEAT and BLOOD. Mostly TEARS. I Hope You Like It Seeing As I Labored Over This Demon Garment Every Night And Day For The Two Months Preceding Your Birthday Because I Am So Desperately Flushed For You That My Pity Glands Threaten To Go Into Overdose Every Time We Are So Much As In The Same Vicinity As One Another Even For Example When Were Both At One Of Johns Legitimately Terrible Movie Nights And Youre In The Kitchen Making Tea And Im In The Living Room And We Dont Make Any Eye Contact Or Anything And You Dont Even Know Im Looking At You But I Am Basically All The Time is a thing you most definitely did not say because that would’ve been creepy and awkward, but you were certainly thinking it. You were thinking that last part a lot in general, at the time.
Rose very carefully unwrapped the box (the wrapping of which also had MANY TEARS put into it), held up the garment within, and studied it for a long moment before saying “It’s lovely. Thank you, Kanaya” and smiling in a way that would’ve probably done terrible things to your heart were it still beating.
What you failed to take into consideration is that the dress you made her was about seventy times fancier and more elaborate than any article of clothing Rose deigns to wear on a daily basis, and so the only times she actually got use of it were during events that called for fancy dress, which occurred among your group at a frequency of about once every fucking never.
In short, it was a STAGGERING FAILURE.
You must not make that mistake again. You must come up with something that Rose will, if not treasure for the rest of her life, at the very least garner moderate enjoyment from for a certain stretch of time. No, actually, fuck it, you want her to treasure it. For at least the rest of the month. Because if you can’t produce something good enough for even that much, then you’ve failed as a matesprit-slash-girlfriend, and as a person, and as basically everything else it’s possible to fail as.
It has to be perfect. Or, considering it’s Rose that you’re talking about here, you’d be willing to settle for merely PRETTY DAMN GREAT.
But you have no ideas. Your think pan is empty. Okay, that’s inaccurate, it’s actually full of thoughts right now, and every single one of those thoughts is screaming at you OH GOD OH GOD WHAT AM I GOING TO DO. But that isn’t going to help you with anything.
You’re probably going to need to calm down before you give yourself a case of the vapors.
… Well. Talk about bright and early.
I Made Breakfast And Also There Is A Present Awaiting You In The Living Room
Perhaps Youd Like To See It After Washing Your Face And Ingesting That Foul Smelling Magical Substance In A Mug In Order To Kickstart Your Brain Into Operating At A More Typical Rate For Functioning Human Beings
I think I would.
((Hi! If part of the reason you are following this blog is because you enjoy my art in any capacity, I’d be super happy if you could take a moment to look at this!))
Because why the hell not, right?
If you want to commission me, either send me an ask or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with the details of your commission! Once I’m done with the drawing, I’ll let you know — once the payment’s done with, I’ll send it over. Payment will be over Paypal.
And now, for prices and examples stuff!
SKETCH/LINES: $6 for one character, +$2 for every extra one
(i’ll probably try to clean them up better than this haha)
LINEART+FLAT COLORS: $8 for one character, +$2.5 for every extra one
LINELESS, NO SHADING/BG: $10, +$3 for every extra character
LINELESS, SHADING/BG (or uh, both): $13 for one character, +$4 for every extra one
PAINT ME A FUCKING PICTURE, BITCH: $17 for one character, +$6 for every extra one
If you’re so inclined, you can always look at more stuff in my art tag! Thanks for reading!
Its Only The Most Logical Option Considering That Way Rose Doesnt Have To Struggle Her Way Into Slumber With The Permanent Phosphorescence Of My Skin Filtering Through Her Eyelids
Also Because Shes Tiny
Will you stop that? I’ve told you already, I’m of perfectly normal stature for my age, sex and species. It’s not my fault trolls are apparently natural lampshades.
Yes Yes I Know
I Meant Comparatively Tiny If That Makes You Feel Any Better
Thank you ever so kindly.